MOVED.

http://alwaysupwards.wordpress.com
same name, different url.
no offense blogger :)

"accidents are just something, aren't they?"

I got into my first accident yesterday. It was not my fault at all, and that's all I'll really say about the specifics. I have visions of insurance agencies analyzing my poetic waxings in an unsavory way. Not my fault, not in the slightest, end of story.

The accident made me think about sad things, the fleeting nature of moments. It made me sad at a concert I was otherwise psyched to be at (Hanson fans represent.) It made me sad during a sweet sweet goodnight call. It really wasn't the kind of accident that should leave you questioning mortality; no one was even remotely hurt. Still, I'm a worrier by nature, so I'm more prone to over-thinking situations.

A girl I went to college with but didn't know died a few weeks ago on her trip abroad after getting hit by a motorcycle. My mom and I talked about it. Her facebook had been updated up until the day she died with pictures she was taking and commentary about how much fun she was having.

"I think it's better to die having the time of your life," my mom said, "than to die on your way to work or something." I agree. It's odd transitioning into that state of mind; transitioning from dying being unthinkable, to dying being inevitable and "best done when having the time of your life."

Moments are weird and fleeting. Timing is weird. Everything feels so much more abstract as I get older; like how things, even bad things, seem like they're supposed to happen the way that they do.

Enough of this debbie downer talk.

Let's talk about things that make me glow: a boy, a friend of all my friends who I'd somehow missed meeting throughout the years. The reasons we missed each other were minute and coincidental and oftentimes meant we had left/arrived at parties within moments of each other.

But we met one day, early birthday present I think, and I haven't stopped smiling since.


This post brought to you by:


Hanson, who have been there for me from age 11 onwards. At the concert last night I had a moment like no other with this song.

the weekend: a snapshot in lieu of not actually taking any pictures, sigh.

Somewhat after midnight in a field, on a gravel road, between fingers, a bonfire shrinking behind, train cutting diagonal across landscape, mountains silvered in moonlight, head on shoulder, car windows rolled open to this orchestra of chirp and chug and clack.

The moment reminded me of the song "We Don't Mind" by Hayden.

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I want to revamp this blog, make it more engaging. I will think of something soon.

little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting; little darling it seems like years since it's been clear

No matter what this turns into, blossoms or fades, this stretch of week has found me smiling like no other. I jump at the sound of the phone these days, I make countdowns 'til road trips, I sing along to the silliest songs, the softest and the saddest ones too. It really does feel like ice melting.

To make this more user friendly (i.e. make this post worth more than my vague waxing poetic) I give you:

Good Songs for a Good Week
Beyonce - Halo
(I. Love. Her.)


Matt Nathanson - Car Crash
(actually, there are quite a few Matty Nay songs I listen on good weeks. They include "Sad Songs," "Suspended," "Get Higher," "Sing Me Sweet," and "Church Song.")


Jason Mraz - Running
(guh. "Never know how long I have waited, anticipated your smile to be pressed against mine" is one of the best lines ever.)


Iron & Wine - My Lady's House
("Thank God you see me the way you do, strange as you are to me.")


Ingrid Michaelson - The Way I Am
(girlfriend is awkward as hell at the mic here, but goodness this song is cute.)



Mark Kozelek - Up To My Neck in You
(you would never guess in a billion years that this was an AC/DC cover. "up to my neck on the railroad track/ waitin' for the train to come on through/ oh you knew my time was due/ you came around and you pulled me through now/ I'm up to my neck in you")


The Smittens - Gumdrops
(there are vastly more appropriate songs. I prefer "Tell Al Green." But this one is one of the few songs of theirs that made it to youtube... and being a librarian, I can relate.)


The Avett Brothers - Walking for You
("I've known bad women yeah/ I walked to their back doors/ I wasted years walking for them gals that's how I know you're worth walking for")


Neutral Milk Hotel - In The Aeroplane Over the Sea
("but for now we are young/ let us lay in the sun and count every beautiful thing we can see/ love to be in the arms of all I'm keeping here with me")


The Decemberists - Here I Dreamt I Was an Architect
("Just to lay with you there's nothing that I wouldn't do save lay my rifle down")


Iron & Wine - Communion Cups & Someone's Coat
(but say today and she will kiss your face and maybe forget)

OK. So welcome to a little bit of my past week, soundtrack style.

Feeling like I matter too

Robin Wilson, the Gin Blossoms

Freshman year of college I dealt with my loneliness and crippling shyness with music. Lots of music. Music on repeat. Albums on repeat. I must have driven my roommate insane. I think Sufjan Stevens' "For the Widows in Paradise; For the Fatherless in Ypsilanti" clocked over 200 plays in the span of a month.

I also listened to a lot of music that reminded me of home; in particular, I listened to music my dad liked as I grew up. It reminded me of early mornings on weekends, sun beams stretching languid through my windows, the smell of whatever he was baking downstairs. New Miserable Experience by the Gin Blossoms got a lot of air time in those days.

And so it was so strange to find out, literally the day before, that they were playing a free show at a club downtown that is a minute from the metro. Despite oscillating back and forth on whether to go, I went, and I definitely do not regret it. They played all the best of NME, as well as a "Baltimore Debut." They played all the songs I feel today. I put their discography on repeat today and haven't turned back.

Robin Wilson, the Gin Blossoms

Exciting things are blossoming, and I don't want to jinx them with too much blathering. Suffice it to say I am really enjoying the direction things have been taking lately. My birthday weekend was unlike any other birthday to date. Last year I spent the twenty first driving through mountain passes and getting purposefully lost, listening to a mix cd full of the Avett Brothers' best. It wasn't sad, spending it alone, but it was a well needed introspection.

This year I spent it at the mall, at my grandmother's house with lemon cake. I spent it at work with a pizza party and a cupcake party (the latter was actually co-worker's birthday celebration). I spent it eating Indian and Thai and tavern food. I spent it with Oktoberfest beer and fancy wine and even fancier brownies (the latter being on the house!). I spent it with the Gin Blossoms. I spent it late night with cold toes and big smiles. So many smiles.

Pinot, coffee, Ellicott

soundtrack to this post: gin blossoms - hey jealousy (live)